Jimmy Was a Pterodactyl

     Jimmy was the only pterodactyl in the class.

     As a prehistoric aviary creature, Jimmy had a hard time fitting in. He tried wearing the coolest thick-rimmed glasses he could find, but that didn’t work. They didn’t even fit on his face, and the other poser hipsters would call him a poser. Also, he was a liberal dinosaur stuck in a red state. He always had to put up with the accusations that he had come there illegally, and that he was taking away jobs from average hard-working humans.

     He tried learning how to play guitar, but his wings got in the way of that. The best he could manage musically was Hot Cross Buns on recorder, but recorders don’t get you girls. They get you wedgies and pink bellies.  

     There was nothing he could do. Jimmy would always be the exception, the outsider, the loner. The only flying dinosaur in the world.

     Sure, he had big ol’ shiny eyes, but that wasn’t what he wanted. Great, girls would think he was cute. So what? He didn’t want to live life as a teddy bear. He wanted to live life as a carnivorous alpha male.

Are pterodactyls carnivorous? They should be if they’re not.

     Either way, life was hard for poor Jimmy. Every day he’d come home from school to his adopted parents’ house with tears in his eyes, and start shrieking like a banshee.

And then he died.

TAH-DAH.