UNITE! Soldiers of bringing this small curly-haired hobbit's writing prolificacy to a screeching halt!
-PROCRASTINATION MAN! With your powers of video games, movies, and bullshitting around on Facebook for hours at a time! You will keep this kid so distracted and bored that, when the times comes that he really wants to write, he'll be too tired!
-SOCIAL LIFE WOMAN! He'll never be able to type or put pen on a paper if he's busy socializing with friends, and more than likely talking about their favorite bottom noises! With your stylish and patriotically-colored metal corset of unrealistic hourglass curvature, you'll make sure that no long novels get written!
-DOUBT BLOKE! You'll keep an already self-destructive mind in absolute creative sludge! You'll cause him to draw unreasonable comparisons between himself and the greatest literature writers of yesteryear, despite the fact that he neither wants to be nor would be happy writing that kind of stuff!
-SLEEP BOY! You know that a soft, cushy bed is his biggest weakness! Why would he write, after all, if he could nap for a few hours instead and probably dream about something really cool?!
-BATMAN REMINDER POST-IT! You'll remind him that he is Batman! How can he write if he has to put on a form-fitting bat suit with big black boots and cute little bat ears and fight crime?!
NOTE: one of these five is false
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